Flo's Field Kitchen (Orc and Goblin Baggage Train pt. 1)

 "Ya know wot?  I saw Sumfin da uvver day, and I couldn't believe wot I wuz seein'.  Wanna know wot it waz?  I'll tell ya.  Big fight out near da mountains, roight?  Crossed da big river, followin' Big Blackie's handsome backside...Wahhh, he's a looker, 'e is...anyway, got over da river wif only a few lads drowndin' and up frough da treesie countrie, into da hills, headin for da mountains, tall mountains where da funder gavvers on top.  Stunties, der.  Loads of 'em.  Wif gold!!  An' Humies, too.  Nasty little rotters, dem pinkies, dey stick togevver, you can count on dat.  

"An' me and da gurls, wot we doin', eh?  We got dis whole lot wantin' us ta feed em!  Now I got me a fine big iron pot, dat's fur sure, nobody east a da big rivver got better, but still, you got to feed a hunnerd lads, you're gonna have a ruff time of it!  We gotta boil up four, five pots a stew a noight!  An' where you gonna get da stuff for dat, eh?

"Huh.  Whereevver yoo can, eh?  Huh huh huh.  Now after a big foight, it ain't so bad!  Lotsa dead peeple and wot, you got no worries, da boys can eat all noight!  But when you're on da march yoo gotta get it where you can.  And here's where I'm gettin' to my point, see?  Dis is da fing I saw dat I couldn't believe...

"Big fight, roight?  Der's our boys and der boys laid out bleedin' all over the meadow and Big Blackie and dis one stuntie wiv a big helmit got bloody great horns on, de're still fightin out near da creek wif a few boys wit 'em, but everybody else is about done for da day, dey jus creepin' around pickin froo da dead boys lookin for sumfin good, and each side kinda keepin an eye on da uvver.  I'm grabbin' up everyfing I can fit in me pot for the big eats, an' crammin' everyfing I can't cook in de wagon, save it for later, ya know? And den I see the humies and da stunties are gavverin ders up too...ya know...da ones dat ain't quite dead yit?  And I see der puttin' rags on da holes our boys put in em!  And I fink, now why dey do dat?  Ya can't keep da blood in!  Spoils da meet!  Ya gotta led it out or it goes all larmy too fast!  Now dat's mighty strange!  

"And den I see 'em layin' all da ready-for-da-pot boys out on da grass, and der's some humie and stuntie girls comin, and I fink, Oh, dey'll  be comin' wiv da knives an' da pot!  But no!  Dey give dem pot boys tasty drinks an put pillers under der heads an' dat...and dey pet 'em on der hair and is all real sweet to 'em...disgustin' really!  And den dey load 'em in da cart and dey take em away...all comfertable like...like dey was gonna KEEP 'EM  ALIVE...and I fink...you know?  I bet dey don't even eat em!  Couldn't beleive wot I was seein, even doh it were roight here in frunna me own eyes...  Now...I ask ya...ain't dat just like a pinkie?  Too rich dey is...spoiled...got too much, dey don't 'ppreciate good meat when it falls in der laps!  

'Hand me dat knoife, will ye, Gertie?  "An quit squirmin', you gimpy lil Gobbo, you!  You'll dull me blade!  Wot's dat, ya say you can still walk? Well not fast enuff, I'll warrant!  Nod if we can ketch ya! Eh Gurls?"

(raucous laughter).

So here's my first section of my Oldhammer Orcs and Goblins baggage train, with the cauldron counting as the wagon. It adds um...zero points to Big Blackie's horde, but it was fun to do.

"OY!  Get yer fingas outta dere, it ain't ready, yet!  ...'Less ya wanna leave em in dere permanent...heh."

"Snots is good fer flaverin' up yer pot when ya ain't got nuffin else...De're really quick and slippery, tho...hard ta get yer hands on.  I just get 'em likkered up real good and dat makes em lot more easy ta catch..."

"Arright, boys...soup's on, get in line, already!  Er, by the way...anybody hurt?  Sick?  Wounded?  Hrm?  Anybody?"