Yumskab Hokkflem's Light Orktillery

"You wanna know me wot?  Me fil...filosso...me filossofee o' combat?  Wot dat is, ey?  How 'bout yoo talk plain instead of all like a faerie and wot?  You wot?  OH!!!!   I see!  Yeh!  Yoo wanna know what I fink's da best way to go 'bout smashin' fings an' killin' peeple!  Right.  Well.  My fil...oss...o...fee about dat is uh...well...yoo know.  I'd stab 'em wif big spears and hit 'em wif big rocks!!  Waahghhh!!!  Yeh!  Like dat, see??!!  Yeh.  Dat's da best way ta do it, I fink.

"Hrm?  Well, no, s'not fancy or nuffin', but den...doesn't haff ta bee, does it?  I mean, does da job, right?  An' anyway, sometimes yoo go to da uvver side o' da river, you're lookin' for a fight, ya know?  An' you're over dere, you know...and yoo come to a fort.  Dere's hoomies in dere, but dey don't wanna come out!  Dere scared, see?  Got no stomach for a scrap.  Well, wot yoo gonna do?  Yoo can't go in dere and bring 'em out wif yer teef...tho I know some lads dat've tried...Naw, dat's not da way ta do it...no, you gotta git a masheen ta do it, see?  Like dese here...

"Now dese'll make some nice holes in da humies' walls, or you can set stuff on fire and throw it over da wall, and maybe it'll hit somefin good and blow up...hur hur...dat's real fun.  And sometimes dey'll be up dere prancin' about on da wall wif a white rag sayin' sumfin' like "Oy we wants ta TREET wif yoos" or "We want ta disguss turms!"  Course we dunno what any o' dat meens so we just frow a big ol' rock up dere and knock 'em roight off da wall!  Haw Haw Haw!  Ah, dat's da best!!  Da boys laff til dey cry when dat 'appens!

"Hm?  Oh, yeah, dese are da smaller masheens we got.  We got uvver ones dat are loads bigga, We got da Rock Lobbas an da Skull Smashas and da Head Bangas an' wot...Waaaggghhh! You should see da humies' faces when dey see dose comin'!  Hee hee hee!  But yoo know...good fing 'bout dese liddle ones?  Dere easy ta git over da river...not like da Rock Lobba an da Head Banga...fer dem ya gots ta build a big ol boat, and sometimes da boat leens over in da wattah an da whole fing goes sideways-like into da rivver wif boys hangin' onta it and fallin' offin' it an' lads git drownded and here, ya put all dat wurk inta makin' yer masheen and it ends up at da bottom of da river and loads a yer boys end up sleepin' wit da fishes.  Hm? Oh, yeh, it's funny...sure, all us bosses git a good laff outa it, 's a bluddy riot, but it don't help ya beat da humies, dat's my point.  An dese little ones, ya don't need ta do all dat work, see?  Yoo can just put em on a little raft, an' s easy to get 'em to da uvver side and back again real quick.  S' easy!

"Anyway, I gotta git back ta showin' dese new lads how ta use dis rokk chukka.  If I don't, den da first foight we get in, dey'll frow a rock inta da middle a Big Blackie's chariot, an dat'll be da end o' me fer sure!  OY!!! What doo yoo lot fink you're doin' dere, eh?  Put him down!  Dat fing's fer chukkin' rocks, not gobbos!  Why, I'll...er...akshully...Dat looks like fun!  Let me in dere, blast ye!!  I wanna chukk one!"