The Mysterious "Grenadier Marsh Demon" AKA: Heritage Umber Hulk

A few months ago I posted an article about Old Time Sword and Sorcery Toys, and how many of these plastic toy figures available in the early 80s were lifted by toy manufacturers straight from classic lead mini lines.  One plastic denizen of the "Dragons and Monsters" series I wrote about in that piece was the orange fellow shown in the middle, here, between plastic re-casts of a heritage Djinn and a modified Citadel Ogre. 

The version of him which I had was blue, and he haunted many an imaginary swamp around the fringes of my bedroom carpet for several years, occasionally snatching and dragging a plastic knight or wizard to a watery doom.  I don't know what became of him.  Down through the years, I saw something that looked very similar to him for sale in lead on Ebay, I would swear that I once saw him for sale as "Grenadier Marsh Demon."  I've been on the lookout for him ever since.

Well, the other day my friend Miss Monkii sent me this.

Miss Monkii and her husband own what I have no doubt is the most extensive collection of classic lead minis in the state of  Nevada.  When I return from back of beyond I intend to post some pictures of portions of this collection here at TFTBB.  It's really amazing.  Anyway, here is the original incarnation of the 'Marsh Demon', the Heritage  Umber Hulk.  He is undoubtedly the same mini, precisely the same size, and with nearly all the same details as the plastic toy figure of my tender years.  The pose of the arms is slightly different, and the manufacturers replaced the eyes on the side of the original figure's  head with horns or pointy ears, a small change which ends up giving him a considerably different appearance.

So mystery solved.  It's been fun trying to track down the original figures these plastic knock offs were derived from.  Still a few weeks of train up left before we  get to where we're going, so it's going to be pretty quiet here for a while, yet.  I do miss painting!

Dimtree's Loot: Epilogue

They had been on Nepenthe for fourteen days.  For fourteen days, it had rained.  On the thirteenth day, some very bad things had happened, which they didn't like to talk about very much, unless they were blaming one another for them.  All through the next day, they had lain, broken and bleeding in the insufferable mud, occasionally trying to move, without much success, and cursing Neel, because he had escaped instead of being mortally wounded like the rest of them.  Eventually they had all agreed that Neel's survival meant that he must have betrayed them somehow, and deserved to die.  

Sometime around sunset Neel had shown up in a mud-spattered wartrukk, Doc Bonetinker and his throng of Gretchin assistants in tow.  Neel and Bonetinker had immediately set about fishing Rikk, Vivyun and Boss Mychul out of the soupy soil.  As the eternal grey rain pelted unceasingly down, Neel  sat and watched gloomily as Doc and his Gretchin servants had set about the laborious task of patching the boys back together.  Quite incapable of anything resembling gratitude, the boys shrieked their pain and hatred and lashed out with whatever functioning limbs they still possessed whenever they could.  Occasionally one of Doc's Gretchins had his skull crushed and flopped nervelessly into the muck, but Doc Bonetinker went on about about his work without seeming to notice...there always seemed to be more Gretchin.

 
 "Just look at me!  squawked Rikk.  I mean, really!  Look at me!  I had a broken spine, thanks to that bone-brained Ogryn, and what does Doc here do about it?  I'll tell you!  He puts me under, and when I wake up, I find he's given me a bloody Aqualung!"

"Well, he also gave you a metal backbone, moaned Neel indignantly.  You ought to be grateful.  I mean, you can walk now, eh?  You couldn't do after the Ogryn broke you in half."

"But I didn't ask for an aqualung, did I Neel?  Rikk bubbled wrathfully in reply.  No, I didn't, did I?  Hello!  Hello!  My name's Rikk!  I was  perfectly happy breathing oxygen, thank you, and now, Ach!  Suddenly, I've got an integral aqualung!  My head's in a bloody goldfish bowl!  How am I supposed to meet girls with my head in a goldfish bowl?"

Da New Rikk

"We're Orks, Rikk, we don't have girls."  snarled Vivyun, metallically.  He was sitting over by the Wartrukk, idly banging his new head against it and enjoying the rattle and clash of steel on steel.  Doc had scooped Vivyun's head out of the mud and tried to sew it back on, but something hadn't been quite right.  As soon as his head was back on, Vivyun had started speaking in a soft and kindly tone of voice, trying to encourage his maimed and suffering friends, assuring them that the worst was over and that things would soon be alright.  This had really frightened and upset everyone, and Doc soon stilled the panic by removing Viv's head again and replacing  it with a mechanical one.  This head immediately began to threaten and disparage all and sundry, in a raucous, clangy sort of voice, which made everyone breathe a sigh of relief. 

All the same, the tinny echo of Vivyun's new voice set Rikk's teeth on edge. "Well you don't know that for certain, do you Vivyun?  I mean there could be stacks and piles of girls on the next planet over, just waiting for us to stumble onto them, but it doesn't much matter to me now, does it?  His voice quavered and he seemed about to burst into tears.  "Not that you'd notice that I'm about to burst into tears...Because my head's in an aqualung!  he wailed.  I can't make out with girls in an aqualung!  I don't even know how I'm supposed to eat!"

"Aqualung never hurt anybody!  Growled DocBonetinker, stitching up a huge hole in Mique's larnyx.  S' an improvement!  I know a lotta boys'd kill fer an aqualung."

"Ugghl...Urk!"  said Mych.

 

Da New Mych

Something strange happened in Neel's head.  Sitting in the bed of the Wartrukk, chin cupped in one big, green paw, rain running out of his lanky gray hair into his mournful eyes, he began to murmur to himself...

"Aqualung...gurls...Feelin' like a dead duck, spittin' out pieces of our broken luck...
Sittin' in a dark trench...eyein' little girls with bad, bad breff...
Snot runnin down me nose...greasy fingers in frilly panties and lederhose...
Aqualung...yeh...aqualung..."

The mysterious song's cheerful imagery almost made him feel not suicidal, and he mumbled it happily to himself for awhile until...

 

Same Old Neel

...He looked up.  The others were all staring at him.  Somewhere, far away, as if in the halls o' Gork and Mork, he heard a sound like a studio audience laughing in concert.  After an appropriate pause, Rikk broke the silence.  

Admiral Ackbar's Mon Calamari Marines

Key Rebel leader and former smuggler Admiral Ackbar poses proudly with troopers of his Marine Brigade, following a successful operation against imperial mining facilities near Kessel.

The Mon Calamari Marines, led by brave heroes such as the redoubtable Captain Calabarr, have distinguished themselves in numerous boarding actions and planet-side battles since their formation shortly after the destruction of the First Death Star.  Their unique skills in amphibious scouting and raiding operations are particularly valued, and the Mon Calamari Marine Brigade is considered fertile recruiting ground by the Rebel Special Forces Command...

A few months ago, I was bitten by the Star Wars bug again, with the result that I began to make extensive additions to my collection of old Star wars Grenadier Miniatures, to include the rules for West End's Star Wars miniatures game.  I should have bought them a long time ago.

So far, I really like what I'm seeing in the rules: they have a stripped-down, old school, home-brew feel to them that fills me with that same weird, nostalgic sense of contentment I get from reading Keep on the Borderlands, or the old Citadel Journal.

Scale is skirmish, with sixty minis per side being the recommended ceiling, and you build your squads from the ground up, mixing weapons as you please within units, both sides drawing more or less from the same equipment list.  This forces play away from Warhammery "Well my guys have _____, which is exclusive to my army list, and which does this and this and this, and you can't have it unless you have my army and, more to the point,  the new army list just published in hardback for $50" type play, to play more geared toward role playing and story telling, which is much more to my taste.  Seems like the game requires a lot of book-keeping for each of your squads, so huge armies may not be that desirable.

The minis are for the most part lovely, but the line, though extensive enough, suffers from a lack of variant figures amoung the numerous alien races and specialist troops.  You only get one pose each for the Tusken Raider, Jawa, and Snowtrooper, for example, which is really quite lame.  The first runs of models were cast in fairly soft lead, though, which gives me some hope that I will be able to do a little conversion work on some of them, and add some more variety to some of my units.

The Admiral attempts to warn me against getting sucked into in a new mini gaming system...

I plan on taking whole bunches of these to the back of beyond with me.  At some point it occurred to me that painting up a fat collection of Star Wars minis might be a great way to stay sane over there.  I'll just have to come up with a method for keeping the dust out of my fresh paint. Hopefully I'll have time to color up two full battle forces while I'm there, so they can get to blastin' each other as soon as I get back.  I like the Mon Calamari, so I couldn't wait to start on these guys.

...Alas, too late.

Aulech Henschblut's Raiders (Mouse's Oldhammer Chaos Army So Far)

Spent a spare hour or two today reviewing what I've painted up for my Chaos Army over the last couple of years.  Two years is a damn long time, and when I look at this fragment of Buzzgobb Phesterlick's Chaos Horde (I plan on eventually fielding a horde of at least six thousand points) it doesn't seem like a lot to have acheived in that much time.  As I line it all up and gaze lovingly at it, I must say I do feel somewhat the proud father, though.  I'm certainly no meister painter, not by a long shot.  But I think Buzzgobb's legion of twisted hellspawn look pretty good massed and ready for battle.

Long way to go, including Buzzgobb himself, but here's the horde so far...

In the vanguard of any of Buzzgobb's raids run horrid packs of howling and slavering chaos hounds, ready to sweep away weak opposition or fall upon flanks as the Thugs and Chaos warriors pin down the enemy to the front.

2 packs of 6 Chaos Hounds each, Beastmen handlers with shields.......................................384 pts

A Nurglesque contingent advances on the horde's right flank...Chaos Champion Igor Pussdribble leads his warband of Thugs to battle, supported by the horrid mutant Chaos Sorcerer, Buboe Sourwing on his flying chaos steed...
19 Chaos Thugs with  light armor, hand weapon, shield, standard and musician
Chaos Champion with heavy armor, hand weapon,
 tentacle arm, (counts as extra hand weapon), and pistol...................................................................320 pts
 LVL 15 Chaos Sorcerer on Chaos Steed with chaos armor and enchanted weapon (cursed spear)..262 pts

The army's Slaaneshi contingent sweeps forward,  a mob of twisted, gibbering madmen, bent on satiating their unholy desires at the expense of the enemy...the fallen Inquisitor Luptuous Stenk and his warriors are here supported by the insufferably loathsome Sleekrist Kizzenkillum and his Gorgon lover...

19 Chaos thugs with light armor, hand weapon, shield, and unit standard, Chaos Marauder unit leader with light armor and flail............................................................................................................218 pts

1 lvl 10 Chaos Sorcerer with extra hand weapon, Chaos armor and
bound Chaos host...1 Gorgon with bow bound for 10 pts..................................................261 pts

 On the army's left, a second Nurglesque contingent leaps and lumbers toward the fields of slaughter.  Here we have the decidedly unpleasant Chaos Champion Digglechum Smegmar and his clutch of Chaos Trolls, preceded by a third and rather Nurgly-looking pack of Chaos Hounds...

In combat Digglechum likes to lead his "friends" in a direct charge against the enemy's front, while the hounds engage the enemy to flank or rear.  With a wall of simultaneously suppurating and regenerating flesh to their front, and rotting, stinking, slashing jaws lapping about their sides and backs, few enemy units can stand against Smegmarr and his minions for long...

Chaos Champion with heavy armor,  magic weapon,  (Enchanted Strike) and 3 Chaos Trolls...... 358 Pts
1 Beastman handler with shield and 6 Chaos Hounds....................................................................192 Pts

Though there's no doubting the strength of the Nurgle contingent, the Worshippers of Khorne remain the real fighting strength of the army so far.  Here, Chaos Knight Aulech Henschblut and Army Standard Bearer Ulrich Hellhorn drive the soldiers of the Khornate Cult toward the enemy...

On the right, the terrible Norse Chaos Champion Ulfgrimm Strang can be glimpsed loping forward at the head of his retinue of Chaos Marauders, supported by The Blood God's Huntmen, plying their bows to deadly effect as they close in upon the enemy...

Aulech Henschblut and Ulrich Hellhorn:
Chaos Knight (Army General) heavy armor, chaos steed w/ horse barding, Enchanted Sword (Frenzied Blade), Enchanted Shield (Talismanic Shield).........................................................................335 Pts
Chaos Warrior with heavy armor, shield, army standard, chaos steed, horse barding.................160 Pts

Ulfgrimm Strang's Marauders:
Chaos Champion with heavy armor, Dragon Helm, Enchanted Weapon, 2-handed hammer, (Mighty Strike), 9 Chaos Marauders with heavy armor,  shields, 2-handed weapons..............................532 Pts

The Blood God's Huntsmen:
1 Chaos Marauder with bow, light armor, 2-handed weapon, pistol, 9 Chaos thugs with long bows and hand weapons, light armor................................................................................................................140 Pts.

Total Points:  3,162 Pts!
Hey, I made it to 3,000 points!  I thought I was still short of the mark...Neat!

Forth, my twisted minions!

 

 

Well, that's a good note to leave for Kafiristan on.  I'm debating what minis I should have the wife mail to me later on, so I can bring them home, painted and ready to join the horde in about a year.  Right now 10 Tzeentchian Chaos Marauders, a score of Beastmen, and half-a-dozen centaurs are a the top of my list to deploy with me...Of course I really need to do Buzzgobb and his "Brides"...a unit of ten lovely harpies...

Mighty Ulfgrimm Strang leads his Marauders into battle.  Out of all my Chaos Champions, I believe he's my favorite so far.  I don't know if it's because I like the wolf-head figure so much, or because I'm proud of the background I wrote for him...mmmhh...probably both.

Well there they are...3,000 points of Old School Chaos critters.  Happy day.

"Pleasure,Slaughter and Contagion!"

Afghanistan Again/Darkness Descends

Hey, friends!

In a couple of weeks the tiny guns will fall silent, the tiny banners will be furled.  The Big Board will be covered by a sheet to keep the dust off through the coming year.   The War Room curtains will be drawn.  Minis, books and paints will be boxed away,  and TFTBB will be going dark for a bit.  Seems my real time regiment has been called up to do some infernal security duty in the darkest depths of Kafiristan.  Blast!!  And I was getting so close to finishing up my Oldhammer armies. Well, it is what it is.

Last time I was Back of Beyond was nearly ten years ago...can it have been so long?  I was just Private First Class Mouse back then, with my Alma Mater, the mighty 82nd.  Looking back on it, it was a good deployment.  Not very long, just the right amount of stupid, joyous, harebrained violence, plenty of exercise in the Mountain air, and none of my friends got shot or blown up, despite the enemy's best efforts. My deployment to Iraq a year later was a tougher gig.

My good buddy Evan M. on the roof of the world, 2005.

Well, I'm going back with the reserves, and reserves get all the shit jobs, so I'm likely to be static, base-bound, irritated and angry throughout this deployment.  Still, I don't think it should stop me from painting lots of little metal warrior people.  All through Iraq, despite a frantic mission tempo, curtains of dust and very bad things going on on all sides, my buddy Dustin and I spent many, many hours painting up our 40k armies in eager anticipation of getting at each others' throats as soon as we got back to The States.  If I could paint little armies back then, I'm sure I'll be able to do it this time, too.

My best buddy Dustin, amoung the Afghan Army, nine years ago.  We're still tight.  Last weekend he drove 8 hours to have a last game of Rogue Trader 40k and Flames of War before I depart for back o' beyond.

What I'm not so certain about is whether I'll be able to blog anything I'm painting or modeling, or any stories or anything.  Don't know what my internet access situation will be, exactly.  I'll do my best to stay in touch with all the great friends I've made here, and keep the Oldhammer flag flying from where ever I'm at.

"The Castle" An ancient Hill-Fort visible from our FOB and not far from Kandahar.  Local legend insisted that various warlords had used it to dominate the surrounding plain from prehistory until Alexander's guys came through and took it.  When "Sikander's" influence faded, assorted Warlords reclaimed it, then Tamerlane's heinous bunch, then the British, then the Russians, and finally the American backed Afghan Army.  Are the legends true?  I don't know.  Do I care?  Not particularly.  It's a great story, and that's what matters.  (If you ask me.)

View from the Driver's Seat of a Hummvee

Native Flora

Shot I took of a few of my young comrades near the close of what I'll always remember as "The Fight at the Farm".  It was one of my first real firefights and, as such, seemed like kind of a big deal to me at the time.  Intel had told us that a "Taliban" group had taken control of a farm, splendidly positioned on a hilltop overlooking a large portion of the plains near Kandahar.  We were supposed to land one hilltop over, then assault the farm, (a silly plan, in every way, if you ask me).  Instead, our Chinook pilots became confused and landed us, (rather sensibly, I think) directly on top of our objective.  We leaped out of the birds, Panzergrenadier-style, almost straight into the midst of the startled foe.   I shiver a little bit, sometimes, looking back at that tactical situation, because it seems to me that if the enemy had stood fast and fought, they would surely have killed at least a couple of us before they were overcome.  But fortune favored the bold, as it often does in battle, and the Tali's either tried to blend in amoung the farmers or, after a brief blaze of covering fire, scattered into the ravines that veined the hillsides. The farmers delightedly pointed out the Jihadis who tried to pass themselves off as members of their own families, and we took all these as prisoners.  They probably served 6 or 8 months in prison before being released to fight us again.  The die-hards who fled the scene and refused to give up were hunted to their deaths in the spiderweb of ravines and creek-beds below the ridge.  And good riddance to you, you sons of bitches.

Captured Enemy Stuff From the Fight at the Farm

 I myself did nothing of importance in this fight, really.  I slew no enemy.  I saved no comrade's life.  I won no awards or commendations.  But I'll always remember spilling out of the ass of that Chinook into the swirling dust and seeing and hearing the enemy's musketry sparkling and crackling at us as they laid down a few hurried bursts to cover their retreat.  I'll remember knocking a hole in the mud-brick 12' high farm wall and being the first poor, dumb bastard to tumble through it, gathering up some of the enemy's abandoned weapons and gear, and racing to the other side of the farm complex, then striding out toward the gunships that circled and dipped like hawks upon the fleeing foe. Moments like that, you feel Mars walking beside you.

And that's kind of crazy.

But...want to know what's really crazy?  In the midst of all this...Men can still find time for Oldhammer! Make sense of that, if you can!

Sgt. Mouse and Sgt. Dustin, Iraq, 2007

So... back to this strange world I go...
Keep gaming, friends!  And I'll be in touch as often as I may...

...Mouse

Luptuous Stenk and his Slaaneshi Chaos Thugs

Sontag, 2nd Pflugzeit 3144
This day, with the dawn breaking at our backs and Faith in Sigmar and the Emperor blazing in our hearts, we assaulted the walls of the rebel town of Damd.  Our troop of the Knights Panther stormed the gatehouse, and at their coming, resistance melted fast away.  Entering the town, we found many people there in the streets to greet us, and these were willing and ready to aid us and to answer our many questions.  As the Emperor's Inquisitor here, I find the paucity of the resistance gives me heart, I think that the teeth of the Lords of Decay have not bitten here too deeply, and that the most part of these folk are not beyond saving...

Marktag, 3rd Pflugzeit, 3144
This day we have gone throughout the town, seeking from chimney and attic to alley and cellar for those marks of The Enemy which Providence shall see fit to reveal to us.  We found a few skulking here and there with the mark of Chaos upon them, and these we have thrown into the town's gaol for later questioning.  But we found many amoung the people who came forward to whisper to us, albeit haltingly and with a terrible dread shadowing their humble countenances of "The Council of Six."  This coterie, they claim, murdered the Magistrate, and seized governance of the town.  Eagerly, I pressed these volunteers for news of where we might go to lay hands on these six suspects, but at this folk become evasive, or spread their hands helplessly to display their ignorance of the whereabouts of these villains.

Backertag, 3rd Pflugzeit, 3144
Questioning of the handful of mutants found in the town on Sontag has yielded us nothing.  Most are little more than idiots who probably did not grasp the source or the nature of their corruption.  Having no more use for them we commended them to Sigmar's cleansing flames. 

Festag, 3rd Pflugzeit, 3144
I begin to grow impatient with those amoung the townsfolk who claim they wish to aid in our cause, yet give us no hard evidence as to the whereabouts of this "Council of Six" who supposedly raised the town in rebellion against our Emperor.  Perhaps all these people are conspiring quietly against us?  Is the Council of Six a mere Phantom conjured up to mislead us?  

Konistag, 3rd Pflugzeit, 3144
Providence smiled upon us at last, today.  While patrolling the Applegate, a few of our men heard a commotion from some of the windows above, as if some wild cavort were in progress.  Forcing entry into one of the houses and making their way quickly upstairs, they came upon a number of the town's well-to-do citizens in the midst of a set of detestable orgiastic rites.  A number of curious objects and scrolls were found amoung the tumbled pots and twisted bedding, and those they did not cast into the fire in disgust, they gathered up to take away as evidence.  At the sight of their fetishes blazing in the flames, these people set up a hideous wailing and gibbering.  These our good men have arrested and brought to the gaol straight away.  
 Now we shall see.


Festag, 3rd Pflugzeit, 3144
 Today we set rack and flame to the flesh of our new friends from dawn to dusk, and plied them with many questions.  Most of all I wished to know who amoung them were part of this "Council of Six" and where their den might be found.  They are a hardy lot, and resisted our efforts all throughout the day.  But they will crack soon.
They always do.

Sontag, 3rd Pflugzeit 3144
One of the prisoners died under our questioning today.  Died with a smile on his face.  His eyes seemed to blossom, wide and dark, at the moment of his death, and his irises turned a strange and luminous shade of pink, the result, I imagine, of a burst blood vessel in the brain.  Still, it looked very queer.  I sit beside my fire, here, tonight, feeling weary and depressed.  What is wrong with me?  As absurd as it seems, these Children of Darkness make me feel as though I am not in control of this situation...Despite all the extremities of agony and terror we have put to them, they still tease us with hints, they seem coy and taunting... I try to find the words... If I did not know better, I would say that they must delight in their distress, and deliberately provoke us in order to prolong and sharpen it...

Stuff to Listen to While Painting: Star Wars Radio Drama Episode 1: A Wind To Shake The Stars

 I somehow managed to accidentally post an outline of an article I'm dreaming up, and for a while you were all seeing some meaningless scribbles under Tales From the Big Board in your blog lists.  To cover
up my goof, I've got to post something, so I'm sharing this. 

 It's the first episode of the Star Wars Radio Drama released by PBS a long time ago.  The Material is all story from Lucas' Star Wars novel, and embraces some scenes which were shot, but which were, sadly, deleted from the final cut of the film.

The whole radio play is over 6.5 hours long, and includes hours of newly written material, all of it approved by George Lucas, in addition to dramatizations of scenes which never made it into the theater.  Mark Hamill plays Luke, which is nice, but you get stand in voice actors for most of the other parts.  Too bad, but oh, well.  A detailed break-down of the radio play is available at the amazing Star Wars Wiki if you're interested in pursuing it further.

Great stuff to listen to while painting minis, hopefully, it'll get me inspired to get to work painting my stack of classic West End miniatures.  If you've never heard it, enjoy.

Grenadier Guards Again (Flames of War 300 point upgrade)

Nothing super exciting tonight.  Just been working on building up my Flames of War British Armoured Squadron...I've miraculously managed to stick to my plan of building up the army in 300 point blocks for exactly one block so far. 

With the new 300 points, I've just bought another platoon of 3 Tommy Cookers and a platoon of Bren Carriers, but I'm kinda pleased with how it all looks, so far. 

Old Stuff:  (585 points)
HQ Platoon:
2x Sherman V:  + AA MGs: 135 points


Combat Platoons:

1st Platoon: 
2x Sherman V & 1x Firefly VC + AA MGs:  225 points

2nd Platoon:
2x Sherman V & 1x Firefly VC: +AA MGs:  225 points

New Stuff: (310 points)

 3rd Platoon:
2x Sherman V & 1x Firefly VC: +AA MGs:  225 points

Slopped on more mud, this time...

Brigade Support Platoons:

Scout Platoon:
3x Universal Carrier: 70 points + 1 extra MG per: 85 points

Would have preferred Daimler of Humber armoured cars for my recon platoon, but the Carriers were pretty cheap compared to the armoured cars, and they've grown on me.  I actually like them quite a bit, now.

I might eventually recruit some Daimlers to act as recon for my tanks, and use the Carriers to support an independent rifle platoon.

So...Good fun, so far!  Next I'd like to go for some motorized infantry and self-propelled guns, but I'll probably just knock out the last platoon of Shermans, since I've already got them, or maybe add the rifle platoon and strengthen my command platoon with 2 extra Shermans...

So, there's 895 points.  Back to my German Grenadiers, who are taking a lot longer than I imagined they would...the infantry stands are proving pretty challenging...

...til next time!