Thursday, July 19, 2018

Big Blackie's Ultimate Black Chariot of Blackness!!!!

Wwwooorrgghhh!!!!!!! OI!!  Listen, you!  I'm Big Blackie!  I come from da darkest part a da Dark Lands to da Black River country as many years ago as I got teef and dat's gotta years ago, maybe!  Since den I been fightin' hoomans an' Stunties an' skaavins an' Chaos mootants an' anybody else as makes demselves easy ta get at!
Dis 'ere is me chariot see?  I callit me Ultimate Black Chariot o' Blackness 'cause its more scary if I calls it dat an' it kills stuff better if it's black!!!  What?  C'mon, evverbuddy knows dat!  'S got 3...7...12...I dunno... a lotta boars to a pull it!  An' big old wheels and knives on da front dat's good for stabbin peeple as I drive by!!  Haw Haw!!  'S great!
Now yoo know wot?  I shoulda had me chariot a long time ago.  Long time ago dis bastard Mouse was buildin' it fer me an' was takin a reel long time cause it was a lotta work...see 'e took an Old Glory Orc Chariot and 'e was tinkerin' and doin' all dis stuff wivvit...took the douchey wulves dat came wivvit off and put on some real proper Marauder boars...

...changed out da driver wif a proper citadel/marauder' 'cause 'e's a big gurl 'e went to da craft store an' bought some dowel and joolree wire to make da harness fer me boars...haw haw!  Went to da craft store...gurly bastard...
Still...I gotta givvit ' chariot looked pretty good until...right at the end when it wuz almost all done?  Da daft bastard dropped it.  Smash!!
So what does Mouse do?  Does 'e fix it?  No!  'E's all feelin' sorry fer imself...trows me chariot inna shoe box an' fergits about it.  Well...Ain't dat a fine howdoyado?  So ere I am sittin' inna box fer two yeers while dis bastard gits over hisself.  "Oh lookit me...I'm Mouse...My life's hard 'cause I broke me miniature chariot....wah wah wahhh..."
Well...fank Da Gods de uvver day Mouse finally grabs his 'sack, gits me outta da box and starts commencin' ta git me chariot all fixed up.  Dese 'ere are me drivers, Farkel an' Snert.  Good boys, allowin' dat dey ain't proper Black Orcs, just regular gurly Orcs.  Steady in a fight, though.  Gotta givvit to 'em!
Dis bastard on da uvver hand...grr...'e 'angs off da back of Da Ultimate Black Chariot 'o Blackness...ever once inna while takes a swipe at some stunty dat's already got run over by da boars an' acts like he did sumfin big...arrghh...woulda killed him a long time ago but the basturd married me dotter so I gotta put up wif him an' pertend like I like 'im a bit while I figger out a way for him to have a conveenyent 'accident'...know what I mean?
Oh!!  Dis 'ere issa good pitcher of me!  Look!  I look pretty good, huh?  Sometimes a boss hasta git out and fight wiv his boys on foot, an' as luck hazzit, da space in da Old Glory Orc Chariot is exactly big enough to hold a 25mm base, so Mouse decided to model me separate so I can ride inna chariot or go ground poundin' wiv' me Black Orc bodyguard.  Mouse is workin on paintin' dem up...dey should be ready before da big snow...Oy!  Lookit me Axe!  Pretty fancy, eh?  'S a magick axe!!  When I wuz casted at da big factry in Engalund dey gave me a little gurly stick wiv some little balls on da end ov it...might be able ta beat yer pet hamster wiv sumfin like dat, but are ya gonna fight Stunties wivvit?  Naw, dat be stoopid!  So Mouse filed and sawed dat liddle stick off and gave me a proper magick axe instead!!!!!  Now Look!!!  WAGGHH!!!   WAGGHH!!  See how dat chops?  Pretty nice huh?  'S great fer hoomies!  Take dis to fight da hoomies, hoomies dey seys, "No, no!!!  Yoo cant do that, I got hooman roights!"  An den I choppem in half!  HAW HAW HAW!  Ain't life grand?
Oy!  'Ere's annuver good pitcher of me...see I got me army banner dere...and dere on me roight know 'e's important...a wizzurd or somefin'  but 'e's just a gobbo so I can't remember his name...oh, an' dere's some of me crossbow boy's back der...see 'em?  sharp boys, they is...
Da Last fing a Stuntie sees...WWWWWOOOOORRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Black Annie & The Trolls of the East Bank Toves...

In the high flood of spring, the Black River overthrows her channel in many places, drowning the willow thickets that frown upon her eastern banks and turning vast expanses of the countryside into trackless marshland for months at a time. On the Eastern shore, a little north of the Flea Fell and approximately opposite the the dread Tulgey Wood which lies upon the western bank, there lies that region known as the East Bank Toves.
The East Bank Toves, or Slithy Toves, are a region of sand bars, gullies and willow thickets.  High and dry in the heat of summer, The Toves are transformed by the rising waters of late winter and early springtime into a wilderness of swampy waterways shadowed by dark and twisted trees .
For scavengers, The Toves are rich country, for as the swollen river retreats in summer, she leaves many pools and pockets of herself in the shadows amoung the sand bars and tree-roots, and here many creatures find themselves stranded every, frogs, eels and far larger, stranger and more sinister things struggle and thresh amoung the waning waters...easy pickings for the hungry and the enterprising.
The dread Troll Queen 'Black Annie' has lived in The Toves of the East Bank for as long a time as any folk tale remembers. Before the Dwarves settled on the Thunder Mount, before men colonized the West Bank, long before the coming of the Chaos Lord Buzzgobb Phesterlick, or the Black Orc Warlord Big Blackie, Black Annie was the undisputed sovereign of The Toves.  For centuries beyond count the Dark Queen of The Toves has nourished herself and her offspring on the rich pickings of the river pools in the dry months, and gone raiding amoung the surrounding communities to 'fill da pot' during leaner times.
In the days since the coming of men to the Black River country the tale of Black Annie has traveled far...women who have never dwelt within a hundred leagues of those dark waters terrify their children into good behavior with blood curdling tales of the cannibal Queen of the marshes, who hunts misbehaving children like a wolf hunts rabbits, and whose dire thirst for pain and blood can never be quenched.  Black Annie's crew will sometimes latch on to a neighboring Orc or Chaos war band, but usually only if the pickings in The Toves are slim or if they're really desperately bored and in need of a great smashing and killing of random things.
I love all the minis of this group but I'm particularly fond of this fellow.  I've named him 'Neil' after the despondent and rather stupid hippie of 'The Young Ones."  Go ahead.  Try to tell me there isn't a striking resemblance.
Always loved this fellow.  Note the frog feet sticking out of the net.  He's had a good day's picking down at the pools.
This is a splendid figure.  Paint job didn't come out so well.  Didn't do him justice, really.
                                Yeah, he's got a nobby hairdo, but e got a big stick wiv a bloody great rock on, so ye  won't make fun of im if ye knows what's good fer ye, eh?                                          
                                                        Annuva big Troll wiv a big stick...make way er we'll smash ye good!

Ready fer some fightin'!  A strong new addition to Big Blackie's Orc and Goblin horde....should be at 3k points very soon!