Friday, July 31, 2015

Pulp Monsters: Hunting Horror, Vagina Dentata and The Shadow Beast

Deep within the Ruins at the edge of the world, three delightful flavors of soul obliterating terror await our investigators....
The Hunting Horror nests in the High Vaulted hall just within the ruins' entrance.  On moonless nights its writhes sinuously through the arches and rafters to the threshold, then launches its great bulk into the night.  Vast, leathery wings catch the night air and hold the horrid beast aloft as it wings its way through the rain forest, searching for prey with its great, lamp like eyes.  The sudden descent of its great, glowing orbs are the last things its victims ever see.

The Vagina Dentata.  She...well.  Ah... Ya know, I had a whole piece on her prepared, but I assume little kids see this site once in a while?  Could be that the less we say about her, the better?  At least for now.  More later, maybe.
The Shadow Beast.  This perpetually ravenous demon is said to be formed from darkness, and the shadow is its element.  Light can not hurt the Shadow Beast, but it will cause him to become less substantial. In broad sunlight he becomes as a shadow, quivering at the edge of an investigator's peripheral vision, and is quite harmless.

As darkness grows, his great grasping strength waxes.  In the lightless depths of the abandoned vaults and caverns he favors, his grip is as iron and the investigator's end is horrible and swift.  Before going in search of him, make sure to bring extra batteries for the flashlight.

In an inner courtyard, Dr. Gruber stumbles into the Vagina Dentata.  "Ach!  I must apologize, Madame.  I am afwaid zat perhaps I...have ze wong woom?
Professor Trimble patiently explains to the Shadow Beast that no creature remotely resembling it is known to science, and that, as such, it is highly unlikely that it actually exists, unless as an ill-understood folk memory of ancient, half-forgotten Pagan practices which faded out as Christianity became the dominant cultural force in the region.  Eyewitnesses claimed that the Shadow Beast actually paused to consider this alarming possibility for a moment, then seized Trimble and proceeded to eat him head first...One of the Professor's shoes, all that was left of him after the incident, is on display in Arkham library to this day.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Call of Cthulhu: Investigators Three

Three intrepid investigators prepare to set off to explore some mysterious ruins somewhere near the edge of the world...who knows what they'll find?

Meet Dr. Karl Gruber.  Dr. Gruber has earned something of a reputation as a paranormal investigator and Skullduggerer.  He is also shrewdly calculating and has survived for an impressively long time, given all the dangers he has faced.

Professor Trimble of the local University has agreed to accompany the good Dr. Gruber on this little expedition, (his first), but wants you to know that he doesn't believe one wit in any of this supernaturalist nonsense.  Every single one of the many strange events Dr. Gruber has witnessed, or claims to have witnessed, can be explained as perfectly ordinary phenomena.  The problem is Dr. Gruber's overactive imagination, and lack of faith in the powers of science and reason.  You'll see.  By the end of this little trip, the Doctor will come around.

 Here is one Henry Hack, writer for the Times.  The Times is a popular publication with the upper crust, though the working man on the street refers to it contemptuously as the Slimes.  Henry has managed to work his way into the confidences of our investigators by feigning genuine interest in their work, but he's well known for writing vicious lampoons and biting satirical articles on the 'local color."  Who knows what his real intentions are?

Dr. Gruber is more than willing to endure the company of these two for a simple reason...He has found that his chances of not being eaten by monsters increases considerably when he surrounds himself with unsuspecting human shields!  Now...forward and fear no darkness!

Saturday, July 11, 2015

A Ganga Snots!

Few thoughts are more likely to stir terror in the breast of an honest hausfrau than the spectre of finding a bloated snotling stuffing itself noisily in the bottom of her pantry.  Although one of the tough women of the Black River country is by no means incapable of dispatching one such loathesome creature with her trusty carving knife, where there is one there are always more, and unless drastic measures are speedily taken, home and community can be over-run with ravenous green mites within a matter of days.

Typical anti-snotling measures involve the calling up of the local militia, who must painstakingly scour the village and surrounding area with dogs and torches, prodding snotlings out from under every house and hedge and fallen tree and hopefully dispatching them quickly and efficiently.

In extreme cases, poison must be resorted to, though this is not the preferred method of Snotling extermination, as the area must be evacuated of children and livestock while the poison lies out...

 In the not-too distant future, I want to start gaming Snotling infestations of little villages.  Militia and dogs and hausfraus with frying pans battling snotling stands as they pop up almost at random throughout the town.
It seems like you have to have some snotlings in your Orc and Goblin army, although I have to wonder if they are really good for anything.  Last time I tried to use any of them in a Warhammer game was very long ago indeed, and I didn't use that many of them.   I tend to think the 3rd edition rules over-price them a little.  I believe it's 35 points for a stand of creatures who are essentially harmless and only really useful for soaking up arrows and such.

What they most definitely are, however is characterful and entertaining.  Just the thing for a chuckle, And if they get wiped out, it's not upsetting, because, like Skavenslaves, getting wiped out is sort of their job.
I've got a bunch more of these little creeps waiting to be painted.  Not sure if I'm going to start on them right away, though, as I'd originally planned.
I'd sort of planned to do all my Snots in one swoop but having finished this bunch I'm feeling a touch of Snotling fatigue.
"Ere we go!!!!!!  Yaaaggghhhhhh!!!!!"

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Goblin Fanatics!

"The Goblins of the Black River country are similar to Goblinoids elsewhere in that they venerate the twin Orcish gods Gork and Mork, but there also exists amoung them a powerful sect devoted to the worship of a Goblinoid Earth Mother figure to whom they give no name.  In the wild, broken country to the North and East of the Baron Von Refn's lands there are certain deep and tortuously winding cave systems which this priesthood claims are in fact the reproductive system of their Mother Goddess, and hence the place of origin of all the Black River Goblins.  The existence of similar cave systems west of the river, well within the Baron's patrimony, may explain the bitter determination and rare courage shown by the Goblins in their ongoing campaign to reclaim certain portions of that territory which they lost to the Baron's people long ago.
It is well known that deep within some of these cave systems grow certain weird species of fungus with powerful psychedelic properties  The Goblin-Priests believe that these growths are the venereal warts of their Earth-Mother, and that they contain a degree of her awesome elemental power. It would appear that when properly prepared and consumed by one of her children, they can transform that creature into a terrifying instrument of her divine wrath.
It is certainly true that the onslaught of swarms of these drug-crazed fanatics, wielding enormous iron flails and shrieking such nonsense as "HOLY SHIT, I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!" and "TRAILS!  TRAILS! TRAILS!" is one of the most disconcerting sights likely to confront the Goblins' enemies.
This fact is not lost upon the Orc Warlord Big Blackie, and he has actively encouraged the growth of this Goblin Cult in order to bring as many screaming green dervishes onto the battlefields of the Black River country as possible...."

Goblin fanatics are silly, fun, random and effective troops and although I'm not likely to use more than 4 or 5 in a 3k point army, I've painted up a bunch to make sure I'll have a ready supply as Big Blackie's horde grows past 3,000 points.  I suppose the bases need some explaining...

I've modeled them after the fanatics in Rick Priestly's own Orc and Goblin army as shown here on the back cover of White Dwarf #139, one of the first issues of WD I ever bought, and still one of my favorites.  Opposite them are Andy Chambers' Skaven.  (Sorry I don't have a better picture, my own scanner is on the fritz, and this is the only copy I could find on Google.  Don't you wish they had covered this game in a battle report?)  The templates appear to be 2 inch templates, without the 'clock' shown on the template in the Warhammer 3rd edition rulebook.  The book claims fanatics should be mounted on the one inch base included in the book, but the template is actually closer to two inches, I think.  (Just one of several errors and typos in the special troops and artillery section of that volume?)
I dunno.  Anyway, I kind of like the look of 'em, and what's good enough for Rick's army is most likely good enough for some future point, I might decide to glue some twigs or pebbels to the templates to mark out some of the numbers on the clock...

A trio of fanatics help clear the way for the advance of Retchie Stinkfinga's Stikka gang...'til next time....