Friday, April 12, 2013

Dimtree's Loot Part 1

They had been on Nepenthe for thirteen days.  For thirteen days, it had rained.  On the eighth day Boss Dimtree and thirty of the boys had been torn apart by a barrage of Plasma cannon fire as the mob had tried to storm a breach in the walls of the city of Nyx.  That had left Boss Mykhul as the biggest, cleverest and meanest of the lot.  Nobody was much the sorrier for the death of Dimtree.  He had not been an Ork of the Wailing Reach, but was a foreigner.  A tough, capable foreigner, but a foreigner, just the same.  Nobody had much liked his grey trench coat or his black bowler hat, or that eastern fringe accent of his.  But it was still a tough thing for Boss Mykhul to fill Dimtree's boots.  The boys that remained, the fifteen of them, were watching him carefully.  Watching to see if he had the makings of a boss.  Should they stay with him, or break up and let themselves be absorbed into the mobs of bigger, better bosses?  That is what they had been thinking, and Mykhul knew it.  So he'd led them out into the rain and the mud, away from the siege of Nyx, desperate to show them his mettle, for he still had a trick up his sodden sleeve...and it would be a while before anybody thought to get an account of the remnant of Dimtree's mob...

The beat mercilessly, unceasingly upon their heads, pounded the earth into gluey, sticky mud that sucked the boots right off their gnarled, stinking feet.  Many of them were barefoot, now...their feet had been soaked for so long that they had lost all feeling in them, and so were unaware that they had lost their boots until it was much too late to go back and find them.  Orkish tolerance for adverse environmental conditions is considerably greater than that of  Men or Eldar, but after thirteen days of ceaseless bombardment, the rain was definitely starting to get them all down.  At some point Neel, who, for reasons best known to himself, occasionally concerned himself with other peoples' problems, had come up with the idea of 'pottery boots'.  He had slathered and sculpted some particularly thick and viscous mud around the feet of  some of the unshod Orks and then tried to fire the 'clay' with Rikk's teams' heavy flamer.  'Pottery boots' had been a bad idea in that it had not worked, but it had also been a terrible idea in that it's attempted implementation had resulted in several casualties.  Morale had really gone downhill since then.

Boss Mykhul decided it was time for a little speech.  "Don't lose heart, chaps! he grunted, streams of rainwater cascading off of his fine, broad-brimmed hat.  "I'm sure we're very close, now!"

"That's what you've been saying for like, the last last few days!  moaned Neel.

"And I'm hungry!"  snapped Rikk, in a high, clipped sort of tone that implied that he thought that everyone should think that that was the most important thing in the world right now.

"Me too,  moaned Neel.  The note of profound self-pity in his deep, bass voice might have been comical if it had made its appearance in less trying circumstances. As it was, it was just irritating.     "I wish we had some wentils.  Me auntie used to cook wentils for me all da time when I was a wittle runt..."  The rivers of rain water gushing down his long, craggy face made it impossible to tell if he was crying or not.

Rikk perched his gloved hands on his sharp hips and stuck his chin out defiantly at Neel.  "Actually, NEEL, I happen to know that your auntie NEVER cooked lentils for you!  Know how I know?  Hm?  Hm?  BECAUSE ORKS DON'T HAVE AUNTIES, NEEL, and we don't have mums neither!  And that makes YOU a liar!  And nobody likes a liar, do they, lads?"

Having delivered that sudden, devastating salvo, Rikk rocked back on his heels, crossed his gangly arms over his skinny chest and grinned smugly around at the others, apparently expecting a wave of validation and applause.  Everyone ignored him.  In fact, everyone had ignored pretty much everything Rikk had ever said in his whole entire life, but that didn't stop Rikk from imagining that he was constantly surrounded by adoring worshippers who hung on his every word in an awe-struck hush. 

Vivyun sat very still and silent on a large stone which he had found and had been carrying around to use as a stool for some time.  For whatever reason, Vivyun liked to think of himself as a cool and contemplative sort of Ork, and worked hard at holding his violent temper in check.  But an Ork is an Ork, as they say, and occasionally Viv's carefully penned frustrations exploded, transforming him instantaneously into a sort of green and crimson Catherine's Wheel of psychotic violence.  Boss Mykhul knew the signs of one of Viyun's fits coming on...a tightness around the mouth, a twitchiness in the skin around the eyes....Recently Mykhul had been watching Viv carefully.

The irredeemably piercing, pompous, phaggy tone in Rikk's voice set Mykhul's teeth on edge, but he clung grimly to the task at hand.  Leadership isn't always easy.  In fact, it rarely is.

"Look, boys, I know it's been tough, but I'm telling you, we must be very close, now!  There's only so many places the treasure can be.  We just have to keep looking."

Vivyun's red-rimmed eyes twitched again.  

The problem, of course, was that when the Dead Boys, as the Orks called the DEAD MEN, the local Space Marines chapter, had obliterated Big Boss Dimtree with a deluge of plasma fire, they had also burned up his treasure map.  Boss Mykhul had had a pretty good squint at that map, but he had had no chance to make a copy of it, and so for five days they had wandered in what Mykhul THOUGHT must be the vicinity of the old farm where the loot was buried.

How Dimtree had come into posession of that map was an interesting little story in itself.  On the way to Nepenthe, WarBoss  Ranzack the Black's fleet had overhauled and captured a small space schooner belonging to the humie pirates of a certain Captain Ulysses.  The Orks, with overwhelming numbers on their side, had been down with killing and eating the lot, but Ulysses had bought life and liberty for himself and his crew by handing over to Dimtree a map which he SWORE showed the location of a magnificent cache of ill gotten plunder.  Dimtree had been hopinging  to slip away from the siege of Nyx with a few good lads and find the treasure first chance he got, but Space Marines with Plasma cannons had cut short his plans.

"You keep saying dat, but I'm tired and I wanna get outtada rain..." groaned Neel.

Some five miles or so away, near the city, there was a sudden series of muted flashes.  Slowly the audible report of multiple artillery impacts came rolling over the muddy fields.  ...thudda...thudda... thudd...  The boys flinched.  The memory of cruel Space Marine faces peering at them down plasma cannon barrels in the final seconds before the holocaust was still sharp in their minds.

"'Ey, it could be a lot worse, said Mykhul, trying to sound cheerful.  You could be over there getting pounded to pieces with that lot..."

"At least THEY'VE got a roof over their heads."  sneered Rick.

"My feet hurt!"  moaned Neel.

Vivyun's eyes twitched. 

"Ey!  came a shout.  It was one of the boys.  A ranker.  A lookout.  "I fink I see sumfin'  It''s a building or sumfin!"

Everybody stood up quickly.  Everybody except Vivyun, who stayed rooted to his stone, red eyes stabbing at nothing, mouth drawn tight as a garrotte in use.  

The others scrambled through the puddles and muck over to where the lookout stood craning his neck and waving excitedly.

"Over dere!"

Some ways off they could see, through the grey, shifting curtain of the downpour, a cluster of little structures perched on a small rise.

"That's gotta be it, boys!"  crowed Mykhul.  Soon we'll have a roof over our heads AND the treasure!!  And when I've killed you all and taken the treasure  for we've divided the treasure equally, let me say that again...when we've divided the treasure equally...we'll be rich and never have to sleep in the bloody rain ever again!"  

Even Vivyun got up.  Cramped, cold, foot-sore but galvanized now, by the thought of wealth and a dry, comfortable place to hole up for a day or two, the boys crowded forward toward the humble farm buildings.  Happy thoughts of warm meat scorched on an open fire, dry floors on which to make cozy nests, and fabulous riches drove their tired limbs though the muck...and then they saw something.  Far off, beyond the farm buildings, they saw a little line of skinny people moving toward them, and something else...something that looked like a big horse...

"HUMIES!!"  shrieked Rikk.  Trying to help themselves to our houses and our loot!!!  Do something, Mykhul!"

The humies were indeed making for the farm....trying to reach the cover of the buildings before the Orks could.

Mykhul stared at them for a moment through his field glasses..."Woo-arghh!  Those ain't just any humies!"

"Oh no!  groaned Neel.  They aren't Dead Boys, are they, Myk?  Cause that would be like really, really heavy!"

"No, they're not Dead Boys, Neel!  snapped Mykhul.  Thems is Ulysses' space scum, that's who they is.  This means that the treasure's really there for sure, and they're trying to beat us to it, the backbitin' basturds!   Come on, Boys!  Get over there and kill 'em!  Er...I mean...follow me!"

At the very thought of filthy humies trying to make off with their treasure and shelter right under the boys' very noses, Vivyun's already unappealing face was appallingly transformed.  His lips screwed themselves up into a terrifying, rictus snarl.  His eyes bulged, and the veins in his forhead bulged out even farther....

"This...this, lads...this calls for a rare blend of tactical acumen...AND EXTREME VIOLENCE!"  he bellowed.  It was the first thing he had said all week.  Up the muddy slope he bounded, bolt pistol blazing, his gangly, spindly legs transporting him at an alarming speed...

"Awright, boys, barked Boss Mykhul, his chainsword blaring and farting blue-grey smoke.  "LET'S get STUCK IN...MUSIC!!!!"

While I'm working with this theme, I might as well nominate this particular performance of this song as my Oldhammer anthem for Ernie's Oldhammer soundtrack challenge...or one of them, anyway...


 Dimtree's Loot

The Players:  Mouse & Private Weird
The Rules:  Warhammer 40k Second Edition
The Armies:  Space Orks, Space Pirates
Game Length: 8 rounds (?)
The Objectives:  Capture the Farmhouse, under which the treasure is buried, Exterminate the other side, Have fun.
Terrain:  Farmhouse and Farmhouse stone walls:  provide hard cover.  Farmhouse is flammable.
                Stock shed, stock fences:  Provide soft coverShed is flammable.
                Barn:  provides soft cover.  Barn is flammable.

Flammable just means that you can set the building on fire if you want to.  Despite the heavy rains, Nepenthians are very skilled at making their buildings waterproof.  A building can be set on fire using a flamer, a plasma grenade, melta-bomb, or other thermal weapons.  Use of such weapons inside a structure will cause it to burn on a 1-3 on a d6 whether you want it to burn or not.  Burning buildings must be vacated within 1 round of their being set on fire, and become impassable terrain for the rest of the game.

Will have to wait until tomorrow to get the board set up...just don't have the strength to do it tonight,and anyway, I still need to paint the barn...

  War Boss Mykhul's Yung 'uns...  (apologies for the dinged up and part painted figures..should have them fixed up by tomorrow night...)

Magnificent Myk:
Mykel:  Ork War Boss with mesh armor, frag grenades and melta bombs, chainsword and bolt pistol.
Mykel is a Cool Customer.  This means he can re-roll ONE failed leadership check during the game.

Rikk's Pyros:
 3 Ork boys flak armor, melta bombs, bolters.
1 Ork boy:  Flak Armour, flamer, melta bombs
Rikk:  Ork Nob with Flak armor, melta bombs, knife and bolt pistol.   
Rikk is an utterly despicable bastard and a complete coward.  He is subject to Cowardice.   On any round in which his team is fired upon or charged by an enemy, Rikk must make a leadership check or run his full movement toward the nearest table edge.  Rikk's boys are not necessarily as gutless as their leader is...if Rikk fails his leadership test, they may make their own test to see if they stay in the game. If he is within 9" of Big Boss Mykhul, Rikk (and his boys), may use Myk's leadership to make his test.

Neel's Lads:
3 Ork boys with flak armor, frag grenades, bolters
1 Ork boy with flak armor, frag grenades, missle launcher.
Neel:  Ork Nob with flak armor, frag grenades, knife and bolt pistol.  Neel is a rather decent sort, but unfortunately he is also quite stupid.  He is subject to Stupidity as per page 66 of the rulebook.  Neel's boys are not necessarily as stupid as he is.  If Neel fails his stupidity test, his boys may make a test on their own, to see if they can evade the baleful influence of their leader.  If within 9" of Myk, Neel and his boys may use Myk's leadership to make their test.

Vivyun's Eviscerators:
 3 Ork boys with flak armor, frag grenades, bolters
1 Ork boy with flak armor, frag grenades, heavy bolter
Vivyun:  Ork Nob with flak armor, frag grenades, chainsword and bolt pistol.  Vivyun is subject to Frenzy as per pg. 77 of the rulebook.  The rules above apply to him and his team as regards leadership checks.

A sort of how about this?  plan for the board...the rear, right corner of each 'complex' of structures is about 12" from the left/right side of the board, and the rear of the board.  The barn/livestock pen complex has more structures and better fields of fire given the positions of the windows, but only provides soft cover...

2x4 instead of 4x4?  Okay, that wasn't hard. Basically trimmed off the 12" of space the opposing forces would have been advancing through as they closed in on the farm area.  About 12 or 13" of space separate the nearest corners of the two structure complexes....

Shots of the final Board...

 I unfortunately don't have a  model suitable to represent to the cool wrecked car on your board, P.W. so I've laid down a hunk of lichen at that spot.
 The Farmhouse seen from the front...
 The Watch Plant at the front of the animal pen.  Watch Plants are commonly used by farmers on Nepenthe and other parts of the Wailing Reach to guard livestock.  This relatively small specimen has been fairly recently planted and is still too small to be (much of) a threat to man-sized creatures.  Until it reaches its full size, it can still be an effective deterrent to smaller predators.

The Ulysses Gang!
...Assembled in a hurry.
...On a budget...
Ok, really lame, I know !  Whadda ya want?  I had like 2 days!

Next...It's clobberin' time!


  1. Hey Mouse,

    Looks great! Nice scenario set-up! Loved the Pottery boots! I'll post up my gang listings on here later. See you some time after 10:00pm on Saturday. Looking forward to our game.

  2. Great looking scenario! Are you sure that those humiez are Ulysses' lads though and not just Alexei Sayle come to collect the rent?

    1. heh heh...actually I cast Alexei Sayle in the role of Boss Dimtree...get it? Dmitri? Dimtree? Oh, well, I guess it wasn't very good...anyway, he won't be coming round. Glad to be able to welcome you aboard here, and hope you enjoy the game...

    2. I did not get that. But I'm sure I would have eventually. ;)

      Glad to be aboard! Looking forward to reading more about the Young 'uns.

  3. hey I'm gonna snap and post some pictures of my basic ideas for the board...unfortunately most of my walls and fences are only half-painted, hopefully I'll have them done by 2morrow night...

  4. Hey, hey, hey! Mouse, we hadn't mentioned anything about what kind of dice-play we would like for this game? I'm happy either way. The dicelog might be a choice in the hopes of bettering my rolls! And how would you like to do the table? I was thinking something small. 2 x 4 even. And 4 game turns is perfect for this skirmish.

    1. Dicelog or hand-made rolls...fine with me either way. I like the personal connection to actual real dice, but on the other hand, our Plain of Crows game made me feel guilty when I rolled well.
      I was thinking 4x4' for the board, but we can do smaller if you want...4 turns doesn't seem like quite enough time to resolve the issue of the boys on each side staking claim to shelter and loot. If we want to play a really short game like that, we should probably put the farmhouse dead center in the board, or figure out a victory point system like farmhous 2 pts, barn and shed one point each...though that would seem to me to make a drawn game a certainty...what you fink?

    2. just added a terrain concept for the game to the post...Think this would work?

    3. Yes, but how about we compress it to make a narrower field? And I would like to scatter bushes, rocks, the odd tree or piece of equipment randomly about as extra cover options? I love the smell of lichen!

  5. I like the real deal of rolling real dice too, Mouse. I really enjoy rolling dice actually. Also, I was secretly dreading facing the prospect of figuring something like a dice-log out. I'm a bit of a Techno-spaz. It is barely enough for me to prove I am not a robot for these comment-leavings - I usually have to try 5 or more times before my human status has been proved!

    As for 4 turns, let's try it as a cut-off point, and if we both feel the game needs more, let's keep that open. And as for Victory points, you can use them if you want, but I have the feeling that all that matters to Ulysses is the thrill of a shootout and the rush of the drama being created. Plus there is something about a forgotten stash of his!

    And how about the 2 x 4 size?

  6. Ok...I'll see if I can shrink the table I've set up down to's REALLY rainy and crappy out...and I know both Mykchul and Ulysses must be hell bent on getting their greasy mitts on those goods...hopefully one side can wipe out the other in 4 turns or less...

  7. Yeah, yeah! I like the table! And yes, weather! It is raining very heavily. Should we have this affecting visibility/LOS distance/weapon range/burning farmhouses/movement, maybe more a chance of slipping instead of slowing down the movement? And hey, I'm listening to Motorhead's Iron Fist album right now.

  8. Arrghh...Motorhead! I guess we could do -1 to hit with missile weapons due to low visibility...(?)

    1. How about just a -1 to hit over half range?

      I'll post my table set-up tomorrow night. Thanks for embarking on another on-line gaming adventure with me, Mouse!

    2. Sounds good...yeah, I feel the sleepy time monster roaming in the vicinity...pretty sure that means I'm getting old...Talk to you tomorrow, Friend!

  9. Love the riff on the Young Ones - all those special rules for the ladz should make for a highly entertaining game!

  10. Hey, Mouse, I'm back! I just posted up my take on our table. I had a bang of a time trying to find some buildings to match yours. Let me know if what I added is too much.

  11. Looks good! I just posted my Gang's stats, Mouse.

  12. Hey, hey Mouse! I love the look of my gang! Yeah!

    1. You're kind...I'm getting the Young 'Uns on the Big Board...

  13. Hi Mouse, I'm ready for some clobbering time. Did you want to meet here or my blog?

  14. I'll head on over to your there in a minute.